I enjoyed writing a piece for Heavy Metal Therapy and exploring Tremonti Marching In Time so much that I’ve decided to keep going with other songs. Hopefully this will encourage some of the readers to share what songs mean to them as well. A line, A lyric even a full song. Here is the link to the post I worked on for Heavy Metal Therapy https://heavymetaltherapy.co.uk/2022/02/05/marching-in-time/

Thank you to Heavy Metal Therapy for giving me the opportunity to write something on your platform, which gave me the idea for this.

The song I have chosen for this blog is Slash Ft Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators Not For Me. Coming off of the first Slash ft Myles & The Conspirators album Apocalyptic Love. This song is very close to my heart and very important to my life.

Apocalyptic Love Album Cover

Not For Me is very important to me because it was the first song I listened to when I decided enough was enough, something needed to change I’d made my mind up and decided I wanted to be sober. The first line in the song perfectly gives a soundtrack to what I was feeling when I woke up with a hangover and a mindset telling me this had to change. With that horrible feeling of not remembering the night before. And not for the first time either. Thankfully I used it as the catalyst for a positive change and decided to give being sober a try. And so here we are this blog is helping me celebrate six months of being sober.

Studio version of Not For Me

“Dirty sunrise creeping in broken bottles gilled within the room is black the blinds are drawn, I don’t remember anything what I’ve done or where I’ve been Another night has come and gone”As I sat and listened to the song it connected with me on a deep level and spoke to my heart and soul making me see is enough it’s time to stop. But let me discuss the first two lines and how they helped me to process all of this. And it’s the line in particular about not remembering and another night coming and going. Anything could have happened and I wouldn’t have known and that line hit home about that, helped to guide me through it. However how I take the song is the feeling of waking up after another night of over indulging and lying there feeling awful and wondering why have I done this to myself. And that’s how it connected with me I was feeling awful wondering why did I let myself get that far. Another night wasted doing something that wasn’t benefiting me physically or mental health wise, in fact over time it was detrimental to my mental Health. I had always misheard this line as “Broken bottles Guilt within” which related to me often waking up feeling guilty and the symbol of looking around seeing broken bottles around after another night drinking too much and suffering the effects the morning after the night before.

So another lyric that spoke to me was this one “This is not for me, no, Anymore” And why that line connected with me was it put to words a conversation I was having within myself inside my head. Feeling a lot like an imposter pretending to be something I wasn’t. And the game was up with a two choices. Continue to drink even though I couldn’t handle it anymore. Or make the hard choice of real change and stop drinking which was what I chose to do. which is where the line comes in reflected above, I realised that going out and drinking too much just wasn’t for me anymore. I was trying to fit in but it just wasn’t for me. A lot of it was nostalgia thinking back to nights I did have a good time and I liked the nightlife going out having a bit to much to drink and having a good time. Until the good times stopped and A lot of the time the morning after I was faced with a feeling of dread telling myself this Is Not For Me but not feeling like I had the strength to do it. I didn’t believe in myself enough that I had the willpower. Glad to have proved myself wrong.

Another line I’d like to add in and discuss is this “The Devil smiles and laughs at me says you’ll be back just wait and see you know I’ve heard this all before”This part relates to the doubters that want to see you fail, to say I told you so and I knew you couldn’t do it. This lyric jumps out because it’s something I’d tried previously and never followed through with. Woken up and said never again, and a friend says to you we’ll see. And then next weekend I was out again not having followed through. And it is something I’d said to people before I’m giving up drinking and always gave in again. However this time was different.

“You can keep your high life and the hills your cocaine lies and whiskey thrills I don’t need you anymore” This line is about when you wake up and realise you’re doing it. Perhaps the moent you relaise you no longer crave the thing you’ve given up. Made the decision to stop and change yourself and when offered to go back to that, no thanks. You stand strong and keep on the path. This for me was after October. Originally my goal was to get to the end of October sober and re-evaluate, a little over 2 months sober and wait and see. End of October came and I decided I liked it. And kept going. Didn’t miss the hangovers. I’d had my fair share of good nights and fond memories.

The last line I want to add in ” I’ll keep runnin to the very end for the life I lived is not the life I want” This for me is when I reflected on being sober and realised that getting through the week to drink it all away wasn’t for me anymore. I’d found out I didn’t need it and I didn’t miss it. And here I am six months down the line feeling comfortable enough to publish this blog about it. I feel a lot better for being sober and it’s given me a lot of clarity over my own life and my own decisions. One of the best choices I ever made. This lyric relates to my wanting something different and not wanting the horrible feeling of hangovers anymore. This wasn’t the life I wanted anymore. I couldn’t continue down that road any longer.

Now I wanted to add this in at the end. A few things contributed to my decision to remain sober. How alcohol makes me feel is a big one and there’s others in there too. It’s been very rewarding for me. However I don’t ask anyone to change their habits for me. This decision was for me and me alone to benefit myself and no one else should adapt because of me. There may come a time where I drink again in time and maybe not. I chose to go sober for me and continue to remain so for myself, it’s what is best for me.

If you relate to this story and some of what I felt, reach out to someone and ask for help. Don’t go through it alone.

Live Acoustic version of Not For Me performed by Slash Ft Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators

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